...because they have might been miscontrued to be personal attacks.
Can you see that this is a personal blog for me to keep myself sane? You know what is a blog? An online diary. Why online, for people who know me (and some who don't and eventually do) to share my happiness, to console me when I'm down. Sms-es are very expensive, and it doesn't make sense to email all the time, just in case your recipients are busy or are actually not interested. So by keeping it online, you have a choice to read, or comment, or ignore. I have a genuinely interested group of blog friends in my life (and I thank God for them), their encouragements keep me sane and grounded. That's why i blog.
And if you don't know, artistes and entertainers also have feelings, if not more. We are very "emo" people, but we hide it well because we are actors. But for my case, it is because I blog, not because I'm putting an act before you ( I act only when I'm paid to do so), that's why I can always appear very happy-go-lucky when I meet you. When I blog, I let it out and after that I'm ok. But I'm always careful not to mention real actual name or at all, and if you think it's you I'm talking about, then I can't help it that you take it upon yourself and want to feel hurt. Then have you ever thought the hurt I've gone through first to spend this time blogging it? If you ask me, I'd rather do this than to b*tch behind your back.
Like tonight, in my opinion, I had a less than satisfactory performance. My prop arrived late, very late....like when I already started singing then it was brought up on stage. They didn't have time to set-up properly so it was too slippery to execute my stunts properly and I'm disappointed (it could even be dangerous). After the performance,I left the event without speaking another word, I come home I blog, to save me from having to lash out at those guys responsible for the shortfall. It is very disappointing when you work so hard, practice so hard and MARKET the act so hard to have a less then satisfactory performance. (while blogging this post, I just recieved an sms that client is very happy with my show....so guys, you are saved!)
See, that's when I'm not afraid if the set-up guys read this. I didn't mention who. If they don't read or read and don't know it's about them, it's ok. And if they happen to read and have the sensibility to understand why I'm upset because I put SO much effort into it to have it 'sabotaged' by a lax set-up, then feel bad about it and improve. Either way, I still won't despise them. Now that I have let out steam, I'll be ok when i next see them and they will always be a part of my show. No hypocrisy!
Yes, It's sad when you put in so much effort to make things better and what you get is what I deem luke warm. There's no who's right & who's wrong, it's just my opinion. I'm just upset with myself for expecting too much, And YES, because I deal with PAID performances on a professional level, I have a certain expectation and get a certain disappointment when it's not met that way, but it just stops at there. So I blog to remind myself to treat things in a different light, persepctive, pace the next time round. THAT'S ALL, I'm NOT against you! But at least I I hope you know that it takes A LOT of effort to create the videos, the editing, the uploading, and it takes A LOT of effort to send 100 emails to inform people how good your act is.
And then you may ask, then why make it so public leh? Again, I reiterate, it may be an online blog, but I never mention it's you. Anyway please, my blog has never been that popular to tarnish anyone's name. I wish I'm like blogger XX, whose controversy can get her invited on TV for an inteview
Sorry if it doesn't make sense to you, afterall it's 2am. Anyway I may be creating a bigger mess trying to explain myself, but just ignore me lah!